A Hundred Monkeys: a great migration.

Like the humans and animals that came before them, blogs migrate, too.

While we aren’t searching for warmer weather or bigger prey, we do think it’s easier to keep track of all our stuff when it’s in one place. You can keep up with our musings on naming and branding by following our blog on the new version of our website. Check it out over here: http://ahundredmonkeys.com/category/all-posts/.

Renaming: a wild ride.

What happens when a French-owned gas and electricity company gets the naming rights to a popular London tourist attraction? Brits start tweeting their rejection of the name change, while one user (@ItsPaulWallace) reminds people to assert their freedom of speech — “People who are up in arms about the London Eye being renamed the EDF Energy London Eye do know they can still call it anything they want, right?”

The big rebranding news item of the week is the new pared down Starbucks logo, with just one color and no frills, the familiar siren of brew swims forth without the name “Starbucks Coffee” in her logo.

Cuba’s government-owned tobacco company, known around the world for its shops named “La Casa del Habano” is suing a Detroit cigar shop for using the name “La Casa de la Habana.” I guess when it comes to cigars, “God’s gift to the Cubans” according to the Detroit shop’s owner, mi casa is not necessarily su casa.

An 11-year-old resident of New Jersey will face a judge for writing her name in cement.

The name of the defunct Aloha Airlines recently sold to its former majority shareholder for 1.5 million. Good thing Aloha means hello and goodbye.

Sri Lanka’s government plans to remove all references to the British colonial name Ceylon. The island has been known by many names throughout its time – Taprobane, Serendib, and Ceilao to name a few.

We’re no strangers to legal battles over names and images in the branding world, but it still seems strange that Jeff Koons is suing the small San Francisco retail store and art gallery Park Life for selling balloon animal bookends that resemble Koons’ fiberglass sculptures. I mean, really?!

This lady has so much hate she doesn't even have enough arms to carry it all.

By Jeffery Racheff

Hate: if you don’t mind the bad press, it’s a great way to get noticed. And for the Westboro Baptist Church, it’s a godsend.

Notorious for sniffing out public tragedy and exploiting it in the name of a God so vindictive he makes the Old Testament look like a Disney movie, Westboro members feed on the sadness of human beings. They fuel themselves with our tears. Led by megalomaniac Fred Phelps, the WBC travels the country to picket the deaths of soldiers and gay youths, pinning all of America’s misfortunes on homosexuals, Catholics, Jews, the internet, breakfast, sandals-with-socks, and anyone spewing the lies of compassion and reason. Earthquake? Blame the Jews. IEDs in Afghanistan? There must be too many gay people. Hurricane Armageddon? Yep, gay Jews.

Not surprisingly, like a seesaw of insanity, the more repulsive their antics are the higher the media attention soars. Cameras capture every smirking 10 year-old in a “GodHatesFags.com” t-shirt, and the church’s own bloated perception of itself and its mission grows in proportion to its international infamy. And as this attention grows, so does the church’s name. From there the associations start to come all too easy: Westboro. Baptist. Church. Bigotry. Hate. Evil.

While this is great for the WBC and its quest to become the most despised group in America, not everyone shares their lobotomized spirituality. Baptists, like the members of most denominations, vary widely on what they believe, let alone what they scream out to news cameras during public protests. There is no hierarchical authority in Baptism, so there is no concrete system of beliefs. But aside from the most basics tenets of Baptist faith, there is one thing all Baptist churches (even the folks at Westboro) have in common: their name.

Which leads me to one simple question …

WHERE ARE ALL THE REAL BAPTISTS? Where are all the regular, level-headed Baptists furious that the WBC has hijacked their name? The WBC has less than 100 members, while 50 million people in the U.S. identify themselves as Baptist. I somehow doubt that all those 50 million people agree with the WBC that President Obama is the Antichrist, Santa Claus is Satan, and that the late Elizabeth Edwards is now burning in hell “due to her blasphemous, baby-killing, fag-marriage-supporting sins.”

It’s incomprehensible that a religion — an institution organized to express belief in a higher power, to bring solace to the lonely, hope to those in despair and faith to those lost in meaninglessness — can stand to share the same name as a group that thrives on expressing the exact opposite.

But that’s a fact of equivocation. Taken from a purely non-sectarian branding perspective, when two wholly different things are called the same thing, it’s only natural for them to be confused with each other. So you would think with the Christian emphasis on proselytizing and conversion and all, someone would be trying hard to convince me not all Baptists are venomous, hateful Doomsdayers. Americans are not known for being all that knowledgeable about other religions, so it’s not too hard to imagine people seeing the word Baptist and assuming it means, well, Baptist.

(While the WBC is not recognized by any major Baptist association, the only official denunciation of the church by other Baptists I could find is buried in a PDF that’s short enough to fit in a couple of tweets.)

Of course, there’s no trademarking the words Baptist, Christian, Muslim or whatever else people want to call themselves, so there will always be extremists who use a religion’s banner to spread a doctrine of intolerance. Right now though, hate is speaking louder than hope. And unless Baptists want the WBC’s antics to drown out their presence in the spiritual world, they should speak up.

"That one needs a haircut."

Greek philosophers of nature named the comet sometime around 500 B.C. using the Greek word kometes meaning “a head with long hair.”

For those of you waiting with baited breath to find out what Vladimir Putin decided to name his Bulgarian Shepherd, this one’s for you. The puppy will now be known as Buffy, simply because Putin likes the way the name sounds.

How much did it cost California to re-rename its food stamp program? The original name “Food Stamps” was retired in 2008 after being used for 40 years and replaced with the acronym SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Education Program) which, apparently, didn’t “test well.” The cost to develop the latest name for the program, CalFresh, totaled $155,000.

What happens when the daughter of George W. and the son of Ralph Lauren wed? A new name for a familiar face: Lauren Lauren.

Obama’s Crow Nation Indian Name?: One Who Helps People Throughout the Land. He prefers the given name over his wife’s suggestion: One Who Isn’t Picking Up His Shoes and His Socks.

Leaf, Ampera, Volt, C-Zero, Clio – you can read all about electric car names over here.

The new division names for the Big Ten haven’t gone over so well among fans. Twitterers have their own suggestions for names that would be better than Legends and Leaders. Laverne and Shirley, anyone?

Three Wishes Vineyard: putting genies out of work.

What’s the Whole Foods answer to Trader Joe’s Two Buck Chuck? Three Wishes. At $3 a bottle, that’s only a dollar per wish!

Comedy Central is set to release its new brand identity January 1st. An unveiling of sorts, in video form, can be seen here. Love it? Hate it? You can vote over here.

The FDA recently ruled that the combination of caffeine and alcohol in one product is not safe, effectively banning the sale of popular drinks with names like Four Loko and Joose. Still looking for an untraditional buzz? Never fear! You could try scoring some stockpiled Joose on Craigslist or you could just try the latest — alcoholic whipped cream brands with names like CREAM and Whipped Lightning.

It’s not everyday that a country tries to rename its minority population. Romania’s government wants to change the name of the Romany – or Gypsy – population. The proposal would change the group’s official name from Roma, meaning ‘man’ in the Romany language, to Tigan, which comes from the Greek word for ‘untouchable.’

Wikipedia wants to make sure you know that, despite the similarity in their names, it is not affiliated with Wikileaks. The origin of the word wiki? It means ‘quick’ in the Hawaiian language.

Public space is increasingly becoming advertising space. Hundreds of naming rights are going up for sale nationwide as budget problems create high demand for funding. “Instead of riding the Broad Street Subway from City Hall to Pattison, people will take the Coca-Cola from Pizza Hut to AT&T.”

An Oregon Native officially changes his name to Captain Awesome.

By the way, did you have any idea that Procter & Gamble is trying to get into the dry-cleaning business with Tide-branded stores?

Mr. Lee Cardholder is about to enter a world of hurt.

by Jeffery Racheff

No one ever said keeping up with the Kardashians was going to be cheap.

Kim Kardashian and her mysteriously famous sisters were the faces of the new Kardashian Prepaid MasterCard, a debit card marketed to parents as a way to teach their teenagers about handling money responsibly. But there’s just one problem — it’s a great way to go broke.

At least, it used to be. The plastic bankruptcy-maker has been discontinued after wide-spread reports that it gouged users with exorbitant fees and ridiculous rates. For example, it costs $59.99 just to use the card for six months. That doesn’t include actual money you have to put on it. From there it only gets worse. It costs $1.50 to withdraw cash from an ATM, $1.50 to talk to a customer representative, $1 to check your balance, $10 to replace a lost card, and up to $500 if it’s not reported. They even charge for adding money to your account.

Not surprisingly, reviews of the card made it an overnight disaster. And after the Connecticut Attorney General announced an investigation into the card’s “predatory” fees, the Kardashian kin cut all ties with the venture.

Famous for being famous, the Kardashian sisters have built an empire around their name that includes endorsements for everything from diet pills and teeth whiteners, to perfume and toilet paper. They buy fast, sell fast, and their fans gobble it up. And when you’re popular for no real reason other than having a large backside, you have to profit from it while you can. So it was with little surprise that the sisters eventually decided to get into the youth-oriented credit card racket. The strange part, however, is that it almost worked.

Anyone who would ever associate Kim Kardashian with fiscal responsibility almost deserves to have their daughters raid their bank accounts. Associating them with shoes and makeup? Yes. Womanly curves, sure. But sound financial advice? That’s like asking Wesley Snipes to do your tax return. Even if you pick up most of your parenting techniques from reality television, it’s hard to believe that you would equate responsible spending habits with a family infamous for over-the-top shopping sprees. Reality stars are synonymous with fame, fashion and frivolousness, so was anyone really surprised to see that a Kardashian credit card would take you for all you’re worth?

But now the card is kaput, and the Kardashians are no doubt looking for something else to slap their brand on. Even so, I can’t help admitting I wanted to hear about the pleaser parents who gave in to their daughter’s demands for a Kim Kardashian credit card, only to discover the next morning that she maxed it out on butt implants for all her friends. Then she would point out how this is, like, totally what Khloe did in that one episode and her dad was totally cool with it.

It’s not the kid’s fault though — If her heroes had been Suze Orman or Alan Greenspan we wouldn’t be in this position. Of course, something tells me a Ben Bernanke credit card wouldn’t be quite as attractive.

Who needs conductors when you have corporate sponsors?

by Jeffery Racheff

Which would you rather have: a new name for your local bus and train lines, or higher fares on your ride to work?

If you’re like most people struggling to get by in today’s economy, you don’t appreciate the latter option. The Chicago Transit Authority (CTA) is one agency that understands this. So when it found its transportation budget was running off the tracks, it put the brakes on a fare increase and instead announced it was officially open to selling the naming rights to its bus stops and train lines. That means some of the city’s most famous stations and routes, including its iconic L trains, could now sport the names of corporate sponsors.

Sooo … can I get a hurrah? The CTA gets money, companies get exposure, and commuters don’t have to pay extra — everyone wins, right? Well, that depends on the size of the little alarmist goblin living inside you. For some people this is a very slippery slope, and a significant step in the direction of complete and utter corporate ownership of America’s most famous landmarks. First it’s the name of a bus, then an entire transit system, and before long we’re all living in the State of Starbucks (formerly known as Washington).

“While they’re at it,” adds your goblin, “Chicago might as well just name its baseball park after chewing gum. And the tallest building in the U.S.? Why not slap on the name of a department store chain?”

But the CTA would never do anything like that, right? Spokesfolk for the transit agency say the names are up for bids, but that they won’t go for anything in poor taste. That means Chicago “is not going to have an ‘al-Qaida’ bus running down the street,” said a local economics professor. Plus, the CTA has already shown it won’t be forced into giving up a name too easily. Its own name, for instance, is off-limits. It made this crystal clear as early as 1969, when it forced a rock group called “Chicago Transit Authority” to change its name. You know this band now as plain ol’ Chicago.

As for the future name changes, they probably won’t even affect the rail line’s designated color. New names will most likely look something like “Yellow Line/ Your Name Here.” That offers some interesting opportunities for creative naming — why not The White Sox Line, The Green Hornet Line, Wrigley’s Big Red Line? Riders could still call them by their original names, while the sponsors get a chance to come up with clever Chicago-themed ideas. I’d be cool with “deep-dish” anything.

So rest easy, Windy City. Your transportation system is getting creative to avoid collapse, and you don’t even have to worry about learning new names when you hop on board. And if all else fails, Chicago can always fix its eminent disaster by invoking the patron saint of train safety: Denzel Washington.

Putin's pupportunity.

We’re not strangers to animal naming contests; they happen at zoos left and right. But a chance to rename Vladimir Putin’s puppy gifted by the Bulgarian government? Well, that just doesn’t come along every day.

A proposed name change for the Maritime Command – Canada’s Navy – could “make the sailors strut a little more,” according to Senator and retired Lt.-Gen. Romeo Dallaire.

Why you should think twice before naming your high school or freeway after a living person.

It’s almost that time of the year – let’s summarize 2010! Here’s a list of the top words, names, and phrases of 2010. Pink Tentacle also brings us a list of the 60 most popular Japanese words and phrases of the year. Often credited to Sarah Palin, the word “refudiate” actually made its first appearance in a Fort Worth newspaper article in 1891.

How about the origin of the word ‘atom?’ As it turns out, it was first used by a poet in 1477.

Win-win situation?

Check out these obscured brand name logos – can you tell which is which?

A fusion of the words ‘bizarre’ and ‘arcana’ – Zarkana.  Is it the name of a zany web start-up or the new Cirque du Soleil show?

Groggle is changing its name to Drinkle after a six-month-long lawsuit with Google over the name. Drinkle? Really?

Filling out official paperwork is a “nightmare” for this German citizen with the longest last name in his country: Mr. Ottovordemgentschenfelde.

Have you ever uttered (in seriousness or jest) “It’s on like Donkey Kong?” Popularized by rapper Ice Cube in the early 90s, Nintendo just announced it has filed a request to trademark the phrase with the USPTO.

Booyakasha.

by Jeffery Racheff

The British town of Staines has a problem with its name. But it’s not quite what you would expect.

About 15 miles southwest of London, on the banks of the river Thames, lies a place that sounds like it manufactures soiled britches. But the funny thing about the people of Staines is that they’re actually proud of the name. They just don’t like who uses it.

Ali G, comedian Sacha Baron Cohen’s fictional wannabe gangsta, calls the London suburb his birthplace. And now, despite the fact that Cohen has retired the character and that no one remembers his back story, Staines is fed up with the association and is considering drastic measures in order to distance itself from him. Local business leaders say a name change would entice developers to come and build in the area. Critics, however, have said the suggestion is pure “pretentious nonsense.”

So what do they want to call it? Staines-on-Thames.

In other words, the same thing … but with an extra dash of humorlessness thrown in. Not only would they keep the sullied word, but they would force it into a half-rhyme that makes it sound like they’re dumping sewage into England’s most famous waterway.

Ironically, it’s exactly the kind of thing Sacha Baron Cohen would make fun of. Along with flamboyant Austrian fashion reporter Brüno and the hopelessly inept Kazakh journalist Borat, Ali G is one-third of the comedian’s famous trio of characters. If he’s unfamiliar to you, Ali G is a middle-class white guy from the suburbs who thinks of himself as an inner-city gang member. He’s crude and hilariously ignorant. During his appearances, the character would convince celebrities, politicians and everyone in between that he was genuine, often leaving them red-faced by his ridiculous questions and stereotypes. For example, he once asked a professor of gender research if she thought it was alright if girls experimented in “feminism” with each other if they were drunk at parties.

So with a name as satire-ready as Staines, Ali G had a go-to butt for his hometown hood jokes. Claiming that he was part of the gang “West Staines Massif,” he would boast that the commuter town’s main attractions were a KFC and a traffic circle. He learned to be a street-wise “voice of da youf” in the Staines’ “ghetto,” which is funny because that’s exactly what it is not.

It’s a joke. If the people of Staines change their town’s name because they’re getting made fun of, it just lets everyone know that it gets to them. Just like when that bully in second grade called Ian, “Pee In” until he cried and actually pissed in his pants. Bullies love nothing more than to see they’re getting under your skin.

So to the people of Staines: take it easy. Don’t change a name that’s existed for a thousand years because you’re getting made fun of by a guy in a yellow jumpsuit.